The Shield of Perfectionism by Nikki Plavec and Frances De Los Santos
Perfectionism is a tricky trait. In its healthy form, pursuits of perfection or positive striving can lead to great outcomes. However, when pursuits are approached with a need and unrelenting demand for perfection, one can be left immobilized, overcritical, and distressed. Rigid expectations may stifle creativity, lead to poor self-esteem, and impact relationships. Perfectionism can be rooted in the fear of failure or a concern for the opinions and judgment from others.
In contrast, striving toward excellence can be a more adaptive and helpful manner of formulating expectations. This approach allows for acceptance of imperfect results while working toward a great and desirable outcome. Employing a flexible and nonjudgmental attitude permits room for making mistakes and failure, which is an important component in developing skill, expertise, and knowledge.
Tools to put Perfectionism in its place:
1.) Practice mindful moments. Noticing and creating awareness of perfectionist tendencies can be a starting point in acceptance of related thoughts and lead to change in how they function. For example, self-talk may say ‘this project has to be perfect, or it is unacceptable.’ Noticing the thought/criticism is operating provides the opportunity to shift to a more helpful dialogue such as, ‘I hope this will be my best work but I know that if I makes mistakes my work is still valuable.’
2.) Be flexible with goals. Adjust those that feel out of reach. This could look like setting smaller goals/steps to reach that bigger goal.
3.) Listen to emotion. Does the pursuit or critical voice bring more negativity or low self-esteem? Think of how that voice might change if it were directed to a friend. Is it more accepting? Consider how that voice could be activated in your own self-talk.
So keep your eyes on your masterpiece, but allow for some messy fingers that may likely be required to create that final picture.
You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously. ~Sophia Bush
Consider this perspective from Brene Brown:
For other resources and helpful information, read:
- Categories: